


Among Broken Origins

by Ruunkur



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Crimson Flower route spoilers, Faerghus is a fucking mess, Gen, Soulmate AU, There are relationships but they're open for interpretation, There is actually like no smut in this, forced presentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24556123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruunkur/pseuds/Ruunkur
Summary: Felix Fraldarius fought for the Empire during the war, threw away his titles and everything he stood for.Now he finds himself wandering the Almyran desert and finding hope in places he wouldn't normally consider looking.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Kudos: 5





	1. Accepting

"You look lonely."

Felix looked up when he heard the words spoken, his hand working the rag across the blade of his weapon even as he studied the intruder. He hadn't heard the man approach, but the night sounds were loud, blocking out any sound such as feet on sand.

"There's a reason for it."

The stranger lifted an eyebrow, glancing over his shoulder. "My convoy is just a few yards that way, if you want to join us."

"No."

"Wouldn't you prefer the company of others, rather than sitting alone at your fire?"

Felix regarded the stranger, shifting in his seat. "And what are you going to ask for in order for me to have a seat at your campsite?"

"Nothing more than a tale or two of your travels. What brings you out to the deserts of Almyra?"

Felix let out a huff, moving to stand and sheath his sword, wary as he studied the stranger. His hair was braided back, his eyes bright even with the dim light from the shadows of the flame. "And if I'm not a storyteller?"

The man just smiled at him. "Doesn't matter. There are things that move through the deserts, things that you shouldn't want to face by yourself."

Felix grinned at that, the look menacing in the faint light. "Battle suits me fine. I don't mind fighting the impossible."

"Well, at the very least, you can rest easy tonight, with our convoy. We're heading for the Almyran capital, five days out from here. We're always willing to add another mercenary to the bill, if you care to join us." The man glanced around Felix's campsite, turning to rest his gaze on him. "My name is Torel, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Felix."

The man offered his name as he put out the fire, packing the meager belongings he had pulled out. Nothing more than a blanket to lay on, the desert uncomfortably warm even during the night, and some food he had been debating eating.

Torel smiled at him. "I should explain, we saw your light and Dorie didn't want anyone out wandering alone. Like I said, dangerous animals out here."

Felix nodded, calculating as he followed Torel through the sands. Maybe ten yards away from where Felix had set up, and cloaked in a magic he didn't understand, they found the convoy. Torel waved to the guard on duty, nodding and gesturing to Felix.

"Dorie was right in thinking there was someone out there by their lonesome."

The guard let out a snort, shaking her head. "Brave soul, to be wandering the sands by your lonesome."

"I can take care of myself," Felix snapped, taking in the guard. She raised an eyebrow, giving him an appraising look in return.

"Can you handle yourself enough to take on a demonic beast by yourself?" the guard asked.

Felix scoffed, closing his eyes. He reopened them, meeting the guard's gaze. "I would love to see a beast try and go after me." He tugged on the strap of his pack, the woman raising her hands in amused defeat.

"Come, come, we just started preparing dinner." Torel gestured, leaving Felix into the circle of wagons, a fire dancing merrily in the middle. Several others looked up as Torel approached, the man waving his hand as several of them moved to reach for their weapons. "This is Felix, he's the fire that Dorie spotted just a ways away."

The group seemed to relax at this, Felix sending a sweeping gaze over them.

"If you relax that easily, you'll find yourselves with slit throats in the morning." He moved to cross his arms, the group sharing a glance before one man let out a laugh.

"I would love to see the fools that could track down our convoy at night," a woman called, "we're hidden whereas you were sending your position up to anyone who wanted to track you."

Felix shifted his gaze to the woman who spoke, watching as she strode over to him. "I can defend myself."

"And drag half the nightlife out to eat you while you sleep, more than likely." Felix narrowed his eyes, the woman waving her hand. "What I don't get is why a mercenary is traveling by himself through the desert. Did you lose your group?"

Felix shook his head. "Nothing like that. I don't travel with anyone. I'm a one person group."

The woman and Torel shared a glance. The woman smiled then, her gaze softer than Felix had seen in some time. "My name's Dorie. You're welcome to travel with us for as long as you feel the need to."

"Even if it's just for the night?" Felix asked.

Dorie nodded. "The desert is dangerous and there's been talk about demonic beasts running amuck. Come, share dinner with us, and tell us of your travels, friend."

Felix followed Torel and Dorie to a small tent, another woman looking up and raising an eyebrow, glancing at Felix.

"Dorie, when will you stop picking up strays?"

The question was spoken in a friendly tone, Felix accepting the bowl with a muttered thank you as he looked down at the stew.

"Ah, this is Felix. He's a mercenary, traveling by himself. Torel picked him up before he could be picked up by something else." Dorie smiled at the woman, resting a hand on the table. "And how is Marcel tonight?"

Marcel rolled her eyes, leaning an elbow on the table. Torel gestured for Felix to follow him out as Marcel answered Dorie.

"They'll be flirting before you know it and it gets so disgusting to watch," Torel said with amusement in his face, "so, friend, where are you from?"

Felix found himself sitting with others around the campfire, his bag resting between his feet on the ground. From his vantage, he could count twelve others beside himself and Torel. Many had turned to watch them, one man in particular rolling his eyes as Torel shot him a look.

"The-" Felix cut back the first response, taking in a breath. "I hail from Fodlan."

Torel let out a low whistle. "I hear that place is still a mess, even after ten years worth of peace."

"Plenty of work for a merceny up that way. What brings you to Almyra, friend?" Felix watches as a man with striking gold eyes sits next to him, tilting his head to study Felix. "My name is Alester. If we're being honest, we don't get much news from Fodlan, even with King Khallid working towards breaking the throat."

Felix glanced down at the bowl of stew he had been handed, picking up the spoon and shoving the food into his mouth. He moved his leg, pressing his inner calf to the hard edge of his shield. "I couldn't stand to stay in Fodlan any longer. Decided I need to see more of the world."

Alester nodded, tilting his head to the side. "Well met then, friend. I would be interested to hear if you have any stories from where you hail."

"Is it Fodlan stories you want, Al?" Torel asked, leaning forward to look at the man sitting on the other side of Felix. Felix shifted in his seat, gaze dropping to his stew. It was warm, the spices reminding him of a long past conversation during the academy year.

Alester winked at him. "Come on, from what I heard, the last archbishop turned into a dragon and nearly burned down the capital of... Ferris, was it? Bah, I could never remember the damn name."

"Faerghus," Felix corrected, "that beast tried to burn down Fhirdiad."

"Oh ho, looks like this little mercenary knows something about that. Did you fight in the war?" Alester asked.

Felix let out a laugh, looking up at the stars above them. "I suppose it was something along those lines."

"So, did you see the great best itself?" Torel asked and Alester laughed.

"Look at who's being nosey now, Tor. Maybe the lad doesn't want to talk about it. You can't be more than mid twenties, right? You were a teenager when that bloody war really got rolling, weren't you?" Alester asked, the curiosity thick in his voice.

Their conversation had drawn the attention of three others, each of who were studying Felix in a new light. He freed one hand to wave it Alester, dismissively.

"I'm in my thirties, thank you very much." Felix shifted, finding warmth pooling in his stomach at the way the convoy's occupants really took him in now. Mercenaries who fought in the war were common among Fodlan, many finding themselves unable to rest after everything that happened.

They weren't common in Almyra, with the work in Fodlan being more than enough to keep them busy.

"So, how many battles did you see, then?" Alester asked.

Felix cocked his head, glancing at the man. He finished his bowl of stew, standing and gesturing towards the tent he had received it from. "I'm going to return the cookware. Where's a good place for me to set up a bedroll?"

Torel snorted, meeting Alester's gaze with a smirk. "Look who scared him off now. Come on, I'll show you the way. And don't forget your pack."

Felix grabbed the strap, swinging it over his shoulder and gesturing for Torel to lead the way. They stopped by the food tent, Dorie still leaning with her hand on the table, Marcel laughing at whatever the woman was saying. Felix deposited his bowl on the table, the clatter startling Dorie to the point of clearing her throat.

"What did you think of Marcie's cooking?" Dorie asked, mouth pulled wide in a grin as Felix nodded at her.

"It was well put together," he murmured, "thank you for sharing your food with me."

Marcel waved her hand, letting out a laugh. "It's the least I can do. Torel, you and me get next watch."

Torel let out a groan but nodded, waving Felix to follow him. He was led to a quieter area, several spots already littered with bedrolls. "Some of the convoy will sleep in their wagons, but a lot of us prefer to sleep under the stars. Did you really fight in the Fodlan war?"

Felix glanced at the man before he nodded. "I did."

"Rest well, friend."

Felix was left alone in the sleeping quarters, his mind turning as he unpacked his bedroll and used his pack for a pillow. The wagons provided a protection he wouldn't have had otherwise, the chatter of those around lulling him into a deep sleep.

*****

"Dimitri?"

Felix scrunched his eyebrows, looking down at the mark on his arm. It rested right under his elbow and he had grown concerned when it wouldn't wash away. He had gone to Glenn, shoulders hunched, eyes full of tears, only to be taken to Rodrigue instead.

The man nodded, turning to look at the young child. "That mark proves that you are destined for great things, Felix."

"What's greater than being able to protect someone with a sword?" At the age of eight, Felix had been enamoured with his training, even as the others _gently_ teased him for his preference of swords over lances. One day, he would show them all that swords were the better option.

"It's a soulmate mark," Rodrigue explained, "it means you're destined to be with Dimitri."

Felix opened his mouth, closing it again and looking at his arm. "But... don't those show up when you're born?"

He had seen the smudge on Dimitri's shoulder, something that felt like it was always shifting. Dimitri had just shrugged, saying he wasn't sure what it was and the two had gone on their way.

Rodrigue just smiled. "Sometimes, soulmate marks take years to appear. You were born and blessed to be with Dimitri, serving by his side for your life."

"But... we're both boys?" Felix questioned, his eyebrows drawing into a frown. "Isn't he supposed to marry someone... not a boy?"

Rodrigue's smile never faulted as he reached down, ruffling Felix's hair. "With the mark appearing as it has, it more than likely means that you will present as an omega. It is nothing to be ashamed of, Felix," he added when the child wrinkled his nose, "it just means that you have a different path than we first thought."

Felix glanced towards the door, where Glenn had exited when Rodrigue sent him back to his room. He shifted, crossing his arms over his chest. "But... I'm supposed to be Dimitri's right hand."

Rodrigue let out a sigh. "The Shield of Fraldarius will fall to your brother, who will be a knight that Dimitri most needs. Your duty is still to remain by Dimitri's side, even if it's in a different manner than we originally considered. I will write to His Majesty and inform him..."

Felix stared at the door as his father talked, blinking when the man rested a hand on his shoulder.

"There is nothing to be afraid of," Rodrigue said warmly, "it is simply another blessing that has been given to us."

***

The news of Felix's soulmate mark had spread, Felix feeling himself being stared at as the serving staff spoke. It had been three months since that conversation with his father and he sat in his office now, staring at the drink that was in front of him.

"But it smells gross," Felix whined, repeating the words he had first spoken an hour ago.

Rodrigue pinched the bridge of his nose, drawing in a breath. "It is something that will help you," he said, voice gentle, "something that will benefit you in the long run. I assure you, there are worse things in life than this tea."

Felix opened his mouth, looking down at it once more.

"I can add sugar, to see if it will help the taste, but I need you to drink it, please."

Felix reached up, cupping his hands around the cup. "How often do I have to drink it?" he asked with a glance towards Rodrigue.

"Until it's no longer needed. There you go, it's not so bad." Rodrigue coaxed, Felix bringing the cup up to his lips. He grimaced as he took a sip of the tea, sticking his tongue out in disgust. With one last look from his father, he drank the rest of the cup, shoulders hunching.

"It's disgusting."

"You may try it with sugar tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Felix looked up at Rodrigue with wide eyes, swallowing the last mouthful of tea. "Why tomorrow?"

"It's good for you. Now..."

***

The tea had been a staple for Felix no matter which household he had the blessing to stay with during the day. He sat at his desk in the Gautier manner, staring at the tea darkly.

He looked up when Sylvain knocked on the door, the twelve year old blinking at him with wide eyes. "What is that?" he asked, taking a step closer to Felix, not even bothering to ask if he could come in.

Felix wrinkled his nose, picking it up and taking a sip. Maybe, after two years of drinking it, he had finally lost his sense of taste to the drink, the concoction finding its way easily down his throat. "Something father makes me drink. I don't like it."

"Then toss it out the window," Sylvain suggested, glancing towards the window. "Why does the duke make you drink that?"

Felix shrugged, drinking the rest of it as quickly as he could. "I don't know but I don't like it."

"Toss it?" Sylvain offers once more, moving to sit on Felix's bed. "Anyway, father came to let me know that we would be going to the capital tomorrow. He told me to tell you that the duke is coming to pick us up and should be here in the morning."

Felix glanced at Sylvain, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't want to go."

"But, then you'll get to see Mitya. Aren't you happy about that?" Sylvain asked, keeping his tone light. Felix studied his face, looking away from the plastered on smile. “He’s your soulmate, after all.”

"Soulmates are stupid."

Sylvain snorted. "Is this what it's about? You haven't gotten over that? It's not going to be bad, I promise you. Besides, Mitya's our friend. He won't make you do anything you don't want to."

Felix shook his head. "It's... I told you to leave it alone earlier, Sylvain."

Sylvain raised an eyebrow. He lifted his hands, letting out a sigh and dropping his shoulders. "You're really upset about the Dimitri thing, aren't you?"

Felix looked up at Sylvain from where he was sitting, his eyes growing wide. "I just... he's my best friend. I don’t want that to change."

"And that soulmate mark will force it to change, won’t it?"

Felix looked away, eyes burning. "Father is happy about it."

"And you're not. Come on, Fe, what's wrong?"

Sylvain patted the section of bed next to him, his gaze on Sylvain. The child huffed, giving himself a few more seconds before he got up from the chair and headed to the bed. He threw himself down, Sylvain patting his shoulder.

"It won't be that bad," Sylvain pointed out. "Mitya's nice enough."

Felix stared into the bed, picking at one of the blankets. "Trade me, then." Felix looked up, meeting Sylvain's gaze.

He held his hands open, shaking his head. "This is all because of that mark, I can't trade anything, I'm sorry, Fe."

Felix narrowed his eyes. "It's just some... dumb mark. It doesn't mean anything. It shouldn’t even be here."

Sylvain nodded, reaching out and ruffling Felix's hair. "It'll be okay. It’s Dimitri. At the very least, you know he’ll be nice."

"Right, it's just Mitya, after all."

***

At the age of fourteen, Felix felt the shift of his life. Sitting in the gardens, reading a book he was only half interested in, but needing to read it because it was part of whatever training Rodrigue was forcing upon him, Felix felt sick.

The pain began in the symbol of Blaiddyd, the crest flaring from its normal black coloring to brilliant, searing red. Felix stared at his arm, watching the color before the pain rolled over him and he dropped the book, clutching his arm to his chest.

He drew in a ragged breath, forcing himself to his feet before he ran through the manor, gaze searching for-

“Father!”

Rodrigue stopped as Felix stopped in front of him, the teenager’s eyes narrowing. He thrust his arm out to his father, the angry red lines of the soulmate mark dancing among his pale skin. Rodrigue glanced from the mark to Felix’s face, moving to bring Felix into his arms, the hug stiff.

Later, his father would leave the manor to return after three weeks with the news that Lambert and everyone else who went to Duscur were murdered, leaving behind only Dimitri and another child that Dimitri had saved.

Felix would recall sitting outside his window, waiting for his father to turn as he tried to battle down the well of emotions that broke over him.

***

Felix adjusted his grip on his sword, eyes narrowed as he followed the group through the woods. The taste of fear was strong, even among the seasoned knights and, when he looked towards the front, he could see the mask that Dimitri wore.

The husk that had returned in place of the prince after the tragedy.

Felix curled his lips up, glancing towards his arm. The mark was covered, but pain radiated from it, dull and aching. The undercurrent of whatever Dimitri felt in the moment, Felix had come to learn, was what the mark gave him, an unrestricted access to Dimitri’s pain.

"Felix."

The teenager glanced to the side as the horse dropped back to his position, Dimitri offering him a smile. Felix glanced at the others around them, many opting to ignore them, though one or two sent a glance their way.

Felix bristled at those looks, staring straight ahead as they walked. "What?"

"I... just wanted to say that I'm glad you're here with us, today." Dimitri shifted in his saddle, looking down at him with a smile. "It's comforting, to have you so near."

Felix nodded, swallowing back the unease that had risen in his throat. "Just stay safe." He couldn't bring himself to look at Dimitri, couldn't bring himself to say the words he wanted.

He hadn't been in his right mind since the tragedy. Felix had sat in an empty house, too overwhelmed by the chaotic feelings on the other end of the mark, while Rodrigue went to see what he could fix.

Only once, after the tragedy had Felix asked Dimitri what he felt from their bond mark, and Dimitri had given him a blank look. He never felt a damn thing through the mark, unlike what Felix was feeling now, both his own anger and Dimitri's... concoction of whatever.

"I will, for you."

Felix snorted at that, shaking his head. "Whatever."

Dimitri stared at him for a moment longer before he moved forward again, the noble prince, speaking with the knights that accompanied them.

Really, it was too large of a group for a minor rebellion suppression, filled with other teenagers waiting to test their steel against too real people.

But, Felix wasn't going to complain. He had been given the go ahead to use the sword, to fight among the standing foot soldiers, he wasn't going to protest now, not when-

Ahead, fighting erupted and Felix took off, a pull bringing him towards where Dimitri had last been. He wasn't sure how much time had passed from when Dimitri had pulled away to when the fighting started.

It didn't matter, not with the screams of everyone, the cries. There was blood on his face and he was glad that he had tied his hair back and out of his face before the start of the day.

He lifted his sword to stop a rusty axe, sliding across the man's chest and he watched him drop, blood dribbling into the ground. When he looked up, he found that he was alone, the rest of the group had moved but-

"Dimitri?"

Felix tried to not let the word swallow him, feeling his gut tug him towards a small path. He looked, the smell of blood overwhelming before he took a step back.

Wide blue eyes turned to look at him, a smile on his face as the teenager held something in his hands. Felix took a step back, leaning over and retching when he realized what it was.

"Felix!" Dimitri smiled at him, dropping the head from his hands. "They're happy when they're given the blood they need. Isn't that great, Felix? They'll be silent, fully silent, if I can just give them enough blood."

Felix took one step backwards, turning and fleeing Dimitri, leaving him to the fields to slaughter. His sword was still in his hand, blood drying on the blade even as he tried to escape.


	2. Offering

The desert was stifling as Felix moved, the heat making him grumble. Around him, the convoy set to move out, Felix nursing some left over stew from the night prior. He looked up when Torel stopped in front of him, the man smiling down.

In the light of the day, Felix could make out his dark brown hair braided back, his eaze shifting and assessing Felix.

"You look like you did not rest well."

Felix scoffed at the statement, moving to stand. "Last night, you spoke of a demonic beast that was bothering the convoy?"

Torel pursed his lips, shaking his head. "It has set us off our path, but nothing that we won't deal with, in time. As long as we avoid it-"

"Which direction?" Felix asked, already pulling his pack onto his back. "And is it one of the flying ones or not?"

"You're crazy to think you can take down that sort of beast by yourself."

Felix tilted his gaze, taking Torel in. "It's bothering the trade routes, isn't it?"

"The den is not far from here," Alester explained, appearing to rest a hand on Torel's shoulder. "We would have not come this way, but it's the quickest way to the capital-"

"I'll take care of it."

Torel and Alester shared a glance. "I'm sorry, but you are only one man-"

"And it's just one demonic beast. I've put down enough beasts in my time. I'll be back." Felix turned in the direction Torel had pointed him, ignoring the protests as he headed away from the convoy. He gave a curt nod to the guard on duty, resting his free hand on one of the two swords he wore.

With a feral grin, he headed down the paths, almost relishing in the too hot heat.

***

Felix sauntered up to the convoy, grimacing as the smell of food caught his attention. The sun was setting, the convoy having arranged itself into a circle, and he ached.

"Holy shit, you're back."

Felix glanced at the guard, recognizing her as the woman that had been there when Torel led him to the convoy the day before.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Felix demanded, cocking his head to the side.

The woman hesitated. "Torel said... you were going after the demonic beast."

"And it's dead." Felix crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm a mercenary. It's dead."

"What, didn't bring back the head?" Alester looked up from his own spot, eyes glimmering in the descending darkness.

Felix scowled. "It was a fucking winged demonic beast. Those are the worst." Felix shifted, feeling the heat that had gathered at his back give a warm pulse. He moved once more, pulling out the ore from the pack that he had gathered from the cave. "This should suffice."

"That's... Umbra steel," Alester said, letting out a low whistle. "How did you even...?"

"If you break the beast's armour, they're easier to attack. They usually have small deposits of ore on them, as a way to help strengthen them. The thing's dead, now."

"My, you really are a mystery wrapped in a small parcel, aren't you?" Alester mused. "Come, you must eat with us and celebrate the fine win that you have accomplished. Many convoys will be singing your praises, if you tell them of your triumphs."

"Why didn't the king send someone to deal with it?" Felix asked, already uninterested in Alester’s offer.

Alester shifted, exchanging a glance with the other woman. "We were meant to tell him when we reached the capital. It has been some... time since anyone has walked this particular path."

"You were attacked, recently, weren't you?"

The woman let out a sigh. "We tried to come this way about three months prior, however..."

"Dorie drove back the beast, but we were forced to retreat. We have been treading carefully for fear of waking the beast and drawing its attention to us. Once we reached the capital, we would see about sending out a guard-" Alester began.

"Well, the matter is done. The beast is dead."

Felix shook his head, cracking his jaw in a yawn. Truth to the matter, there had been two demonic beasts, the second coming upon Felix as he had finished killing the first. For just the briefest of moments, he had been afraid, but he had steeled himself, pushed through and killed the second as well.

Then destroyed the nest of eggs he had stumbled upon in the depths of the cave.

"Still, you should celebrate with us," Alester murmured, his eyes alight with warmth. "For a stranger to do such a deed without payment..."

"Tomorrow night, maybe. It's been a long day."

Alester nodded, studying him. "Then, tomorrow, we shall feast in your honor, I will discuss it with Dorie. Thank you, friend, for relieving us of such a danger."

"It's nothing really, you don't need to celebrate over it or anything. Good night." Felix walked to the sleeping area, one or two guards already asleep, preparing for their late night watch shifts to begin. He settled down on his bedroll, closing his eyes.

*****

Felix pressed a hand to his stomach, his shoulders hunched. He hadn't seen Dimitri since the western rebellion, his father saying something-something that he didn't quite understand. He had stayed at Fraldarius, while others came and went.

He grunted in irritation as he was forced to lower the blade, his frown increasing as he looked down at his body. He had felt the pain before that day, several times throughout the weeks and he had stuffed it down, ignored it, but he trembled now, moving to set the sword aside.

It would be bad if he dropped it on himself.

He could still imagine the taste of blood on his tongue as the rebellion finished, Dimitri running off and being found a week later, Rodrigue...

Felix let out a huff, shoving the thoughts away as he pressed a hand to his stomach. He looked back up, his vision dimming.

"Felix?"

He let out a whine when he heard his name, feeling hands on his overly heated skin. HIs father's scent filtered in and he opened an eye, mouth pulled back in a snarl.

"Come on, let's get you to your room."

Felix struggled to pull away from the overwhelming strength that was his father's grip, his mouth open as he panted. He whined, feeling himself be lifted from the ground.

The movement was a blur, Felix hearing several doors open and close before he found himself on his bed, his fingers scrambling against the sheets. He heard his door shut again, his body screaming as he struggled to take too tight clothing off.

***

Felix was groggy when he woke, his body aching. The heat, the last of it, was fading, leaving him freezing in its wake. He rolled over, frowning when he realized that he was on the floor. A hastily put together nest lay on the bed, but he lay on the outside, insides aching from the lack of... whatever.

He rubbed his head, fingers pulling away when he hit a bruise. With a grunt, Felix pulled himself up, dropping himself on the bed and knocking the nest flat. Something about seeing it make him want to wretch, made him angry in a way he couldn't define.

He looked up when there was a knock, a blanket pulled over his shoulders, his hands grasping at it to keep it around him. He waited for half a minute before getting up, dragging his body to the door.

"Ah, Felix-" Rodrigue began, Felix stepping forward and hiding his face in Rodrigue's chest, anger and fear burning through him.

Rodrigue shifted, wrapping an arm around Felix's back.

"It'll be okay, Felix," Rodrigue murmured, tightening his grip on Felix. "It'll be okay."

Felix choked back the sobs that threatened to escape, his mouth set in a hard line. He trembled, letting go of the blanket with one hand to cling to his father instead. The most prominent thing he could remember from the past week was the pain that had filtered through his body, the sense of something wrong.

Rodrigue held him, letting the fifteen year old cry in a way he wouldn't be allowed to after that day.

***

Felix moved through the movements, gaze focused on the tip of his blade. The ground underneath him shifted, the sand giving only a little leeway. He narrowed his eyes, shifting his stance and turning, drawing the sword across his body.

It was late, the monastery quiet as he practiced. There was a nervous energy about the air, whispered comments about why the Empire students were being sent to deal with what should have been a Kingdom matter.

Felix rolled his shoulder, forcing himself to relax and breathe in deep through his nose. The lingering scents of others in the training grounds gave him pause and he frowned, tilting his head. He shook himself, drawing up from his final stance and letting out a sigh.

Training had been something Felix stuck by, even with the unyielding heats and his father's instance that it would be okay if he relaxed a bit. Felix never did, the comments his father tried to offer as helpful suggestions spurring him further than if he hadn't said anything at all.

The way Dimitri had described Glenn’s death still unsettled Feli.

He turned when he heard the door open, watching the man that slunk through. In the moonlight, Felix could make out the red hair, the other stopping when he realized that Felix was there.

"Ah, hey, Felix."

Felix stiffened, narrowing his eyes as Sylvain looked at him. He shuffled closer, hesitating.

"Uh, right, you're probably not in the mood... uhm, I should go."

"Spar with me." Felix shifted his stance, glancing at the training rack. He sheathed his sword, moving to pick up a training one. "It'll do you good to practice."

Sylvain shook his head, his gaze softening. "Actually, I was coming to make sure you got to bed."

"That boar is whining again, too many nightmares. It keeps disturbing my slumber."

Sylvain nodded, walking over to the training rack. "Still, you need to sleep eventually, Felix."

"Will you stop being a mother hen if I go to bed after a spar with you?" Felix demanded, his eyes glinting.

Sylvain opened his mouth, shutting it. He regarded Felix for several minutes before he nodded. "You know, if he really upsets you this much, why don't you transfer out of the Blue Lions?"

"I'm going with the Black Eagles on their mission at the end of the month."

Sylvain nodded, settling into a loose stance in front of Felix. He lifted the training lance, raising an eyebrow. "Do you really hate Dimitri that much?"

"You wouldn't understand it." Felix looked away from Sylvain, clearing his throat. "What are you still doing up?"

Sylvain opened his mouth, closing it. He let out a hum, shifting as he brought his lance up to block an attack from Felix, sliding the weapon down the handle and pushing Felix back. "I was talking with Manuela."

"Goddess help us, you're useless."

Sylvain let out a snort of indignation, blocking Felix's next attack. He winced as the wooden blade met his shin, giving Felix a look. "You don't even know what we were discussing."

"Oh, Professor Manuela, I couldn't help but notice the legs you have-" Felix lunged, the flat of his blade coming down against Sylvain's arm. He slid to the side, not even lifting his lance to block it.

"I was talking to her about transferring to the Deers, actually."

Felix stopped, looking up at him with wide eyes. Sylvain grinned at him, lunging forward and tapping Felix with the lance.

"Why the Deers?" Felix demanded.

Sylvain blinked at him, lowering his weapon. "Because I want to get away from Ingrid."

"This is about your infatuation with Claude, isn't it?" Felix growled, narrowing his eyes.

Sylvain frowned at Felix. "Claude's a nice guy. I don't see Dimitri unsticking himself from Dedue's hip anytime soon and this year at the academy is supposed to be about fostering relationships across Fodlan. So, yeah, I do want to transfer to the Deer house. They're a friendly bunch, unlike you lot."

Felix snorted, feeling heat prick at his skin in unease. "Right."

"You're the one going on missions with the Black Eagles. What about _that_ is so different from me switching houses? It's not like I'll be going to the Alliance permanently." Sylvain moved to the rack, chucking the lance back into its holder. "Don't stay up too late, Felix."

Felix watched Sylvain stalk out of the training grounds, the teenager letting out a huff. He ran through several more forms, going to bed when the moon dropped below the training grounds roof.

***

Felix felt seen, working with the Black Eagles. It felt like a family, a place that he could rest, without being just another part of kingdom politics. Maybe that was what finally convinced him to approach Byleth, to ask about joining.

He hadn't been disappointed in the slightest when Byleth just nodded, welcoming him to the Eagles and, in the end, they hadn't minded one bit going with Felix to take care of a simple bandit problem that his father couldn't handle himself.

Which led him to staring at the shield, leaning against his desk. He knew Sylvain still carried the Lance of Ruin, retrieved by the Black Eagle house just two months prior. He glanced over his shoulder, at the door and groaned, dropping himself onto the bed.

With the Battle of the Lion and Eagle coming to a head, the teasing around the monastery had been doubled. And, with a successful switch to join the Eagles, Felix tried to ignore the dwindling number of students that actually stayed by Dimitri's side.

He chewed the thought over, his gaze turning to look up at the door. He pressed a hand to his stomach, feeling it turn and he snorted, shaking his head.

He was used to the heats by now, the way it clawed at him, trying to rip him from the inside out. His father had never been one to give answers but, now-

"Felix?"

Felix jerked his head up from between his knees, focusing his gaze on the door. "Go away, Sylvain."

There was an awkward shuffle, Felix tilting his head. The only good thing about how angry the heats made him was it blocked out the boar's emotions, his thoughts.

The worst thing about it was how incredibly horrible the timing was, regardless of what Felix did.

"You okay in there?" Sylvain asked and Felix closed his eyes. He wouldn't be ready to participate in the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, not with his body betraying him.

"Go. Away."

"Look, tall and creepy asked me to check up on you because they didn't see you in class. And... I'm worried about you."

Felix swallowed back a curse, staring at the door. "Fine, come in."

With a shuffle, Sylvain cracked open the door, taking in Felix's huddled shape on the floor. "Is there something I can get you?"

"Something to put me out of my misery?" Felix suggested, cracking an eye open to look at Sylvain. "Either get in here or leave. Don't stand in the doorway."

The insult was less fire fueled than he wanted it, Sylvain debating a moment longer before he stepped into the room, shutting the door. "You don't look so great, want me to grab Manuela?"

"Heat."

Sylvain blinked at him once, then a second time, then it clicked into place, his eyes widening. "Felix, that can't be natural."

"Fuck you."

Sylvain just raised an eyebrow, still lingering by the door. "Come on, do you want to go to the infirmary?"

Felix just let out a soft whine, pressing his forehead to his knees. "I want to be left alone."

"Really, she might have something to help. Come on, Fe, please? Or, I can get Dimi-"

"Fuck no."

Sylvain recoiled as Felix stumbled upwards, his eyes narrowed into slits. "Okay, infirmary. Please let me take you."

Felix grunted, closing his eyes. the heat coiled, painful and deep rooted before he nodded, Sylvain stepping towards him. He relaxed into the other man's scent, the heat cooling just a moment at the thought of-

Felix grit his teeth together, breaking into the thought as he let Sylvain guide him through the hallways, towards the infirmary.

The position would be humiliating, if his body wasn’t set on betraying him.

***

"Mr. Fraldarius."

Felix winced as Manuela stared at him from across the desk, his gaze landing on it somewhere in the middle. The heat had finally subsided two days ago, but Manuela had kept him for further assessment, wanting to make sure he didn’t bite any of his classmates as he had tried to do to one of the infirmary staff.

"Are you taking any substances to prolong your heats?"

Felix's gaze darted up to Manuela, his eyes going wide before he narrowed them, tilting his head and clenching his jaw. "No."

Manuela set a cup of tea down in front of Felix and he recoiled at the smell, staring it down. She met his gaze, letting out a sigh. "This wasn't your first heat."

Felix shook his head. "No, I- how did you know? About the heats?"

"It was in your paperwork. So, when were you given the tea?"

Felix's gaze darted down to it, his stomach rolling. "The old man... when I was eight?" Maybe some of the heat was still lingering, in the way he offered up the statement as a question, watching as Manuela's gaze barely even shifted. "What is it?"

"This," Manuela said, picking up the cup and dumping the liquid contents into the sink behind her, "is a concoction that is meant to help heighten and prolong heats. Many, many years ago, it was used as a means to... force a presentation within a child. It's been banned in the use of unpresented children for generations now."

Felix stared at her, the information curling deep into his mind. The slow realization bloomed and he tilted his head, fingers curling into the fabric of his pants. "Force a presentation."

Manuela nodded, lips pressed into a thin line. "Even buying the herb is restricted to medical professionals. How did you come across it-"

"My father made me drink it, every day. Until..." he hesitated, fingers pressing against the soulmate mark that he rarely gave any mind to. The boar was motionless today, probably at class, listening to Hanneman.

"The side effects of the herbs vary from person to person, but... they cause painful heats, earlier presentations, as well as infertility within a handful of years."

Felix glanced down as Manuela set the cup back on the table. "Is there anything..." He hadn't meant to ask the question, hadn't wanted to.

Manuela shook her head. "I need to discuss with you some behaviors..."

Felix groaned.

"I know you will not want to talk about it, but it's best that we discuss it now. Perhaps we can devise a plan that will assist you with your heats after today."

"Can it be... later?" Felix asked, crossing his arms over his chest, staring at the desk. He didn't want to talk, didn't want to think about it. Just wanted to return to his room, collapse into his bed, and not think about it, ever again.

"I will send for you tomorrow, after you have had some proper rest. I want to help you in this matter, Felix. If there is anything I can do..." Manuela watched him, Felix nodding before he left the room.


	3. Belonging

Spending the day travelling with the convoy was more interesting than Felix would have thought. They were an entertaining bunch, children darting out among the wagons to take a look at Felix, eyes wide as the story of him taking out a demonic beast spread.

Felix watched the group with wary eyes, walking along the path at the side of a wagon. Dorie was in front, riding on a horse. The figure made his heart ache, his mind drifting to the old memories, to watching Sylvain ride circles around him, teasing voice ever present.

"So, you really were part of the war, then."

Felix glanced as Alester as the man joined him, his golden eyes dancing in the sun. He tilted his head, letting out a huff. "There's no reason to lie about something like that. I fought in the Fodlan war, yes."

"What side were you on?"

Felix cocked an eyebrow, looking at him.

Alester smiled, though it was sadder than Felix would have pictured on his face.

"The war was a long time ago." Felix picked his words with care, watching the man.

"It is interesting that you mention the Fodlan war. Our King fought in the Fodlan war."

Felix looked at him, raising an eyebrow. Alester nodded, taking the look to mean he didn't believe him.

"His father is Almyran, the previous king. His mother was from Fodlan. She was a wild fire of a woman. Not many liked the idea of a half born Almyran on the throne, even more so when he disappeared. But he has proven himself, in battle, welding those terrifying weapons your nobles called Heroes' relics. What's more is he brought another Foldlaner with him, also weilding a terrible relic. He has done much to folster the relations between Almyra and Fodlan, enough that trade is good for us." Alester shifted, looking towards the sky.

"And that's Khallid?" Felix asked, "do you know what relic he wielded?"

Alester nodded. "King Khallid, correct and though I do not personally, I would assume a bow of some kind. He is profeciant in boy and wyvern riding. Tell me, what do you enjoy the most, friend?"

"Fighting."

Alester scoffed. "Fighting does not make for a good celebration. Tonight, we celebrate the services you have done our convoy routes. And, when we reach the capital, we shall express to the king our gratitude of a stranger to be so kind to us."

"There really is no need to do anything, it was simply something to do."

"You are a strange man."

Felix let out a huff of laughter, meeting Alester's gaze. "I assure you, there is little that is strange about me."

"You are a man hardened and forged by war, yet you travel as a lone mercenary and you took down a demonic beast, of which I have seen a group of five people struggle to take down such a beast. We were lucky it killed no one. And yet you... so selflessly went after one by yourself."

Felix shook his head. "Please stop talking about it."

"Ah, you do not wish to be given the praise worthy of a warrior, hmmm?"

Felix let out a sigh. "What do you call a man who killed his own king?"

"Was he a just king?"

Felix frowned at the question, glancing away from Alester. He accepted the waterskin that was passed to him, taking a drink before he handed it back. "I don't know."

"We all run from ourselves, friend, but you will have to face it one day, if you ever wish to be settled." Alester glanced towards the front of the convoy, moving to talk with Torel.

Felix watched his back, frowning as he considered the words.

***

The fires blazed around them and Felix watched as the pairs danced, children clapping and moving among the adults. He sat on the sandy desert floor, arms crossed over his chest as he watched.

"Do you not care to join?"

Dorie dropped to the ground next to him, her back straight as she watched the dancers. A goblet was held between her fingers, the fire sparking upwards as a log was thrown on it.

"Won't this.... celebration cause you to be delayed on your journey to the capital?" Felix asked, looking around the people. They had stopped an hour earlier than they had the previous night, from what he had gathered.

"We shall rest while we travel. It will be a simple matter of switching out who drives and who sleeps first. Do you dance?" Dorie held out the goblet to Felix and he accepted it, looking into the contents.

"I haven't since..." He grimaced, letting out a snort.

"Since when?" Dorie asked gently, her gaze reflecting the dancing fire light.

Felix tilted the glass towards her, raising it to her lips. "Since the war ended."

He had spilled so many secrets of the kind he kept hidden away for years, sitting among this group of people. In three days, he had felt more at home here than he ever did in Fodlan. He took a sip of the drink, the warm wash of the alcohol flooding him.

"Since the war... ended?" Dorie repeated, frowning.

Felix nodded. "I was..." he hesitated, glancing at her.

Dorie met his gaze, smiling at him. "It doe not matter what you were or who you were. You are a good person, Felix." She reached out, resting a hand on his shoulder.

Felix drew in a breath, meeting her gaze. "You think so?"

"You are now, regardless of what the past holds. Many who we travel with have stories that are less than pleasant. But, together, we can overcome anything. You are strong on your own, but with others, you can be stronger."

Felix tossed the rest of the drink back, letting the warmth spread through his body. He stood up in one movement, legs unfolding as he held a hand out to Dorie "Would you dance with me, Dorie?"

She smiled at him, getting up herself and taking Felix's hand. "There is something beyond your outer shell, isn't there?"

Felix raised an eyebrow, letting Dorie lead him into the dance, though he had been the one to suggest it. Drums were being beat upon, the dancing wild and Felix found himself moving from partner to partner, circling through the inner circle until he stopped in Alester's hand.

"It is good to see that you have joined us in the festivities."

Felix took in a breath, listening to the drums as Alester shook his head, the group rearranging to allow them to be outside the dance. "I fought for the Adrestian Empire."

"So full of secrets, aren't you?" Alester smiled at him, the motion easing something within Felix.

"And I think you're handsome." Felix let the admission slip, rolling his eyes towards the sky.

Alester laughed. "My friend, you are a charmer when you want to be, aren't you?"

Felix tilted his head, his hair having come down at some point. It was longer than it had been in a long time, falling somewhere near his mid back. Alester lifted his hand offering him a small bow. 

"I can be," Felix mused, watching as Torel joined them. He gave Alester a look, tilting his head and Alester smiled.

"Join us," Torel murmured, moving towards the ring of dancers again. He held out a hand as the group moved to accept more people, Felix taking the hand. He let the sound of drums consume him, fire licking its way up his skin.

*****

"We could make it a competition."

Felix looked up from his sword with a scowl, watching as Sylvain lounged against one of the pillars.

"If you aren't here to train, go away."

Sylvain sighed. "I heard that Hanneman is getting Dimitri to dance in the White Heron cup. Come on, Fe, you should dance."

"And who's dancing for the Deer?"

Felix pinned his gaze on Sylvain, the man blinking at him before he shifted his gaze away.

"Sylvain?"

He let out a little cough, his shoulders slumping. "Manuela asked me to do it."

Felix stared at him, watching Sylvain rub the back of his neck. "Of course she did."

"I told her yes. It would be fun for you to join us, Fe. Imagine, a smattering of handsome Faerghus men, all dancing for the same grand prize."

Felix glanced towards the point of his sword. "Dancers are proficient in sword and faith magic. Neither of which your or the boar excels at."

"Preci-" Sylvain stared at him, shifting his stance. "Fine, who's dancing for the Eagles?"

"Hubert."

Felix shifted his stance, dropping into an arc before he pivoted, his tip landing just an inch from Sylvain's nose.

"Leave me alone, Sylvain."

"No, I refuse to believe that the professor would pick _Hubert_ of all people! Hubert!" Sylvain snorted, shaking his head.

Felix stared at him, pulling the sword away.

"Look, I know that you're... all happy hanging out with the eagles, but... are you okay?"

Felix rolled his shoulders, staring Sylvain down. He lowered his sword, moving into the next stance. Sylvain watched him, eyes soft.

"You haven't talked to me in like, weeks. If it's something I did, just tell me."

Felix drew in a breath, meeting Sylvain's gaze. "I want to be left alone."

"Fine."

Sylvain turned, stalking out of the training ground. Felix drew in a breath, leaning into his next stance and ignored the rage bubbling under his skin, the desire to chase after Sylvain and force the other man to tell him what was wrong, what was causing him to hurt so bad.

He bit back the feeling, shifting his stance and moving, eyes flashing with each strike of his sword.

***

"The gift of dance is a wonderful blessing from the goddess, may it serve you well."

Felix looked down at the bundle of clothing in his hands, glancing back up at Rhea. The archbishop smiled, tilting her head.

Felix took the clothing, meeting her gaze. "Thanks, I guess."

Rhea nodded, bowing her head. "May it bring you closer to the goddess, Felix Fraldarius."

He turned, sensing the dismissal and headed out of the room, gaze darting across the hall. The second floor was empty, the sounds of people from down below drifting upwards. Felix let out a sigh, adjusting his grip on the bundle of clothing before he headed to Manuela's office.

The woman in question was sitting at her desk, frowning at the reports and Felix hesitated, glancing around before she looked up, a smile on her face.

"Ah, Felix, finished talking with Lady Rhea? Come in."

Felix stepped into the room, walking over to her desk. "Is there anything that..." he trailed off, meeting her gaze. They had several disucssions the past few months, Manuela offering to see if she could find anything.

Manuela shifted, letting out a sigh. "No, I'm sorry."

Felix nodded, turning to leave. He wasn’t surpried by the statement, not in the slightest.

"We can take this to the regent-" Manuela began.

"Keep the kingdom out of this," Felix snapped, shifting and glancing over his shoulder. "The whole court doesn’t need to know."

Manuela frowned, but let him leave, leaning back in her chair.

***

"Care to dance with me, Felix?"

Felix stared at Dimitri, at the offered hand and he turned his head, staring up at the wall. Dimitri had already been on the floor, dancing with anyone who dared as him, the prince too polite to decline, even when he threw a pleading look Dedue's way.

"No."

Dimitri frowned, lowering his hand. "We used to be such good friends, Felix, what happened between us?"

"You're a boar, looking only for the first sign of blood. One day, the others will understand that." Felix turned, Dimitri letting out a sigh.

"I wanted to congratulate you on your White Heron cup win. The judges really did pick the best-"

"Shut up." Felix bristled as Dimitri took a step back, nodding at him.

"Of course. I just hope we can mend the bridge between us before our return to Fhirdhiad. I do so miss our time together as he had been."

Felix scoffed, moving to leave the ball. Someone else took Dimitri's attention and Felix could see the professor on the floor, dancing with Claude, who was laughing all the while. He pushed the thought away, stalking into the night. Dimitri's offer burned and he felt anger flood him.

***

If Felix had to pick a turning point for his own beliefs, it would have been the forest. Watching Byleth be consumed by the darkness, only to return with the unnatural hair, unnatural eyes.

The sense of power that flowed off them, making Felix want to consume it, bask in it. The return to the underground temple, to where the crest stones lay.

The turning point, where he decided the kingdom had nothing for him. Siding with Edelgard, siding with the Empire, turning his back on tradition.

It left him in the hide-out that Imperial troops had been using.

"It's strange, isn't it?" Ingrid asked, voice soft as she moved to sit with Felix. The pair were in an out of the way corner, watching as Ashe glanced over his shoulder before he joined them, silent.

Felix grunted. "It's the way the war is. You've seen what kind of beast he is, now."

"Felix..."

Felix shrugged Ingrid's hand off his shoulder. "No one wanted to listen, now they get to see first hand what kind of person he really is, Ingrid." He moved to stand, gaze darting to the group of Black Eagle students. He saw Edelgard gesture, tilting her head towards the group and he moved to follow, Ingrid and Ashe trailing after him.

He filled in the empty gaps, listening as the Professor and Edelgard spoke, laying out their plans for the march on the monastery, laying out plans and different steps to take. He took it in, relishing in the thought of war.

A small part of him, the part that was overruled every heat, that wanted to be taken care of, chided him, but the larger part growled and snarled at the chance to fight against those that did him wrong. A chance to redeem himself, in the years to come.


	4. Acknowledging

Felix stared up at the fabric cover. The wagon was moving, his head seeming to still want to keep the drum beats of the night prior captured, his heart turning over with each thump of music.

His gaze slid to the right of him, Alester's scent still lingering heavily, Torel's faded but consistent underneath. He rubbed his hands over his eyes, moving to sit up before-

"You might want to take it easier there, friend." Alester stuck his head through the back of the wagon, his eyes filled with mirth.

"What..." Felix could remember the beat of the drum and the fire that licked at his skin as he danced among the others of the convoy, but the night blurred, his mouth pulling into a frown.

"Too much of the Faerie was passed around last night, in your honor. You let yourself be free and you purged your heart, I am sure. Does your soul still thrum with the drums?"

Felix blinked at him, shaking his head as the man just lifted an eyebrow.

"It is a dance of protection we performed last night. If the blessing is granted, the blessed shall hear the imprints of the drums deep in their souls."

"Why?" Felix asked.

Alester smiled at him. "You did us a kindness, and thus we repaid in kind. To heal from the hurts of a war, one repays people in small kindnesses. They spread goodwill and cheer. They replace bitterness with happiness, piece by piece. The hurt still lingers, but what is left behind is beautiful, if you care to look at it."

Felix pondered the words, closing his eyes when he got a face full of sun. He lifted a hand until the sun went away, finding himself alone in the back of the wagon once more.

***

Dinner found Felix feeling better, the man off by himself as he adjusted his footwork, sliding to the left as he worked his way through forms that were more familiar to him than his own father's face.

He turned, glancing over his shoulder as Dorie appeared, a smile on her face.

"Did you enjoy last night?"

Felix sheathed his blade turning and nodding at her. "It was interesting."

"Thank you for participating with us. It has been a while since we have really let loose. How do you feel this evening?"

Felix blinked at her, studying her face. "Better," he said after a moment.

"Does practicing help bring you peace?"

Felix blinked at her, frowning. She tilted her head, her sharp gaze glittering even this far from the firelight. "It gives me a sense of peace, I suppose."

She nodded, folding her arms over her chest. "Let it be known, Felix, that you have a place with us if you wish to continue journeying with us. I know not where you were headed, but you have a home with us, if you were to ever want it, as much of a merchant group as we are."

"I'll consider your offer, thank you."

Felix turned back to follow Dori to the dining tent, collecting a meal for himself and sitting among the others, discussing the events of the days and the weather. Felix found himself sat between Alester and Torel, listening to their conversations. Alester turned to Felix, smiling.

"It will be good to be in my childhood home again," he murmured.

Felix raised an eyebrow. "You were raised in the capital, then?"

Alester nodded. "I was raised there with a handful of siblings. Torel is also from the capital."

Torel smiled, reaching over and lightly touching Alester's shoulder. "Yes, as an orphan who had nowhere else to go. Alester, bless him, took me with him when he joined the merchant convoy. I would have been left alone if it weren't for him. Sure to have been dead, by now."

"Any person would have been thrilled to have you, but, I am thankful for Torel as well, for being here. You are in good company, Felix."

Felix stared into the fire, holding his plate in his hands. The small hand of acceptance and he wanted to rip himself away from it, his brain screaming at him to not accept. He forced the fear in his heart to subside and he smiled at Alester, finding the acceptance written in his features, the kindness of his eyes.

"What did we drink last night?"

Torel sighed, looking up at the sky. "It is known as the Green Faerie, there are several hallucinogenic herbs thrown in the brew. Makes for interesting dreams."

Felix looked into the fire, listening to them talk. He shifted, letting the voices wash over him.

*****

"You aren't going back."

Felix paused as he paced up and down the hallway, turning to look at the speaker. Bernadetta paused, her gaze flicking from Felix to the door. He stopped, dropping his hand from his sword hilt. A year into the war and they were at a stalemate, the professor was gone, lost at the fall of the monastery.

"Not to Faerghus."

"Then where are you going?"

Felix turned to look at Bernadetta, who stared him down in turn. He shifted his stance, letting out a sigh. "Just on a small trip. Into the woods. I'll be back within two weeks."

"By yourself?" Bernadetta asked, voice dropping. "Is that... safe?"

Felix clenched his jaw, drawing in a breath to steady himself. "I will be fine, Bernadetta."

"Just make sure that we know when you're back."

Felix gave her another look, Bernadetta scurrying away.

Felix headed away from the camp, lifting his nose. He had enough supplies for two weeks, maybe double that if his partner remembered to bring his share. He shifted his gaze through the dense forest, heading further and further away from Empire territory.

He had cleared the trip before he had left, explaining to Edeglard in clipped words that there was something he had to take care of. That, no, he did not want help. That, yes, he would be gone but he would be safe.

And he promised, over and over again, that he wasn’t returning to Faerghus.

He relished in the quiet, turning his attention to the cave he knew the way to by heart. He settled in there, listening to the forest before he let himself sink into his heat, in the privacy, far away from where anyone would be able to find him.

***

“Say, you’re a pretty sight this far away from Faerghus.”

The voice was soft and Felix gave himself to the count of three before he turned, throwing the man a smile over his shoulder, his eyes guarded. “And where do you think I really am from?” Felix murmured, watching as the man sat down next him.

“Not near here. Can I get you a drink?”

Felix set his hand on the table, reaching out and smiling at him.

“I would delight in a drink. Will you take me to see your horse?”

Their codes, worked out since the last time they had seen each other, rang in each other’s ears as they stood.. Soon, they were upstairs, Felix straddling Sylvain and kissing him.

“Where have you been?” he whispered down in Sylvain’s ear. This was a game they had only started a handful of months before Edelgard stormed the monastery and declared war on the church.

Felix recalled the summons to return to Faerghus, his father practically begging him and he choked back a laugh as he leaned down, kissing Sylvain again. Only Dimitri and Dedue had returned, from what Felix could tell.

Sylvain let out a huff, pulling away as he turned the question over in his mind. “I’ve been in the Alliance, with Claude.”

The admission was a small one, but Sylvain’s eyes were clear. Felix dropped, slumping against Sylain, his forehead thudding against Sylvain’s chest.

“We’re enemies.”

Felix felt the words tumble from his lips, unsure of where the fragility bloomed from.

Sylvain lifted his hands, resting them on Felix’s hips. “I don’t know what Claude is planning, but the Alliance…”

Felix surged forward, kissing Sylvain hard. “We aren’t here to talk about that, damn it. We told each other-”

A promise, between them. Another, like when they were younger, but this one made with real weight behind it. Neither would allow the other to slip hints of their armies’ movements. They wouldn’t betray any more people than they already had.

Sylvain let Felix kiss him, let Felix grind against him and he held his friend, fingers smoothing down Felix’s back. There were whispered words and Felix letting his shoulders shake.

They shared in their mutual betrayal of Faerghus, even if each had their own reason. Their grief could live in the shared walls around them, never escaping and never going anywhere else but between them.

***

Felix wasn’t sure where he found himself when he woke, the heat that had seared his body leaving him. He groaned, feeling his body shift and protest and he sat up, staring at the unamused face…

“Are you done?”

Hubert crossed his arms over his chest, staring at Felix. Felix stared back up at him, attempting to move his hands to find them-

“You nearly clawed Ferdinand to death when he found you.” Hubert stepped forward, unlocking the cuffs.

Felix let his hands drop into his lap, staring at them. He picked one up, rubbing his wrist before he looked back up at Hubert.

“Ferdinand…?”

He had been in his room, last he remembered. They were waiting on a missive, on information regarding house Fraldarius and their troops, numbers Felix would no longer have privy to. Maybe there was one person…

“You went into heat, about two weeks ago. Ferdinand found you and, when he attempted to see if you needed anything, the door was still shut, you barrelled through and tried to claw him. He knocked you out and Manuela passed along some… interesting information regarding your heats.”

Felix looked away, scowling at the ground.

“Lady Edelgard is worried for you and she understands, now, why you would leave for the duration of them, if that is how… you respond during them.”

Felix drew in a breath, lowering his gaze to his lap. “It’s a hormonal imbalance, as I am sure Manuela told you. The heat was unexpected, or I would have left the group for their own safety.”

Hubert let out a sigh, studying Felix. “You can let us know so that we can better assist you in the future, with these heats. You should not have to go through them alone, I’m sure.”

Felix licked his lips thinking of the month before, where he had spent the heat in Sylvain’s arms, wondering where Sylvain went when they weren’t together.

“Understood.”

Hubert watched him for a moment longer, turning and heading towards the door. “I will send you food and clothing, since you are feeling better.”

Felix nodded, reaching up and touching his throat in thought.

***

He wondered, if not for the hundredth time, if returning to the monastery for something as simple as a promise that they would, was worth the effort.

He could see familiar faces and Felix knew he was running late. He had almost been hoping he would see Sylvain, even though he knew the man had returned to the Alliance the week prior, saying something about something.

Now, Felix urged his mount faster, a curse on his lips. He hadn’t been entirely sure when a good time to come would be.

He was grateful to spot Ingrid already speaking with Dorothea, relaying information she had gathered. Felix pulled to a stop, sliding off his horse and stalked over to them, listening to their plans. Ingrid turned as she saw the movement, a smile spreading over her face.

“You’re the last to arrive, but I’m glad you’re here, Felix. There’s a lot of information to catch up on.”

Felix glanced at the sky, noting that it wasn’t even past noon. They had a general meeting not even three weeks ago. He looked around the monastery, seeing the gathered faces that he recognized and he let out a huff.

“What changed?”

Ingrid turned to look at him with a smile, her eyes bright and shining.

“Lady Edelgard found Professor Byleth.”


	5. Making Peace

"Is something on your mind, friend?"

Felix looked up from where he was watching the fire, his sword in his lap. He wasn't even needing to give it a cleaning, he needed to keep his hands busy.

Even though they could have reached the capital in less than two hours' time, Dorie had called for a stop, explaining that it would be best to arrive in the morning, not the dead of night. Felix was certain there was a joke in that sentence, somewhere, as they settled down.

"I was just... thinking about my time during the war."

Alester nodded, moving to sit down next to him. "Do you find yourself trying to make amends for your past, friend?"

Felix blinked at him, tilting his head. "I'm not sure I want to accept what's happened in the past." His hand fell to the bag at his feet, thinking of the fights he had been in. "The war was... a strange time."

Alester nodded, watching the fire. "If you find your heart failing on this path, you are welcome to turn back. But it would be sad to see you go, now that you are so close."

Felix frowned.

"I guess I don't understand what you mean."

Alester nodded, turning to look at the fire. "I just meant, you have come far. It would be understandable if your past had some questionable history that you would be fighting to agree with. Your heart wars with your brain, does it not?"

Felix sighed, closing his hand into a fist. "I was.. born with a soulmate mark and that defined my life until it didn't."

Alester nodded. "Something like that can be hard to cope with. Did your soulmate die in the war?"

Felix pondered the question, his fingers touching where the mark had once been. He looked at the fire, letting out a hum. "I thought he did, I wasn't sure if he had survived. I would like to think he is in a better place, with someone who would be able to actually love and care for him."

Alester nodded. "War changes a man. you have done well to come back, in one piece."

Felix likced his lips, turning away from the fire to look at Alester once more. "I don't know if I did return whole."

Alester nodded. "You still seek to fight and put your blade to use. What of your friends that you left behind?"

"They lived, and they continue to do good work in their chosen fields. I... haven't seen them in some time, really." Felix shifted in his seat, reaching down to touch his bag. "I haven't been home in some time, either."

Alester raised an eyebrow. "And what home would you have left, if you did go?"

Felix weighed the question, studying Alester and what he knew. The man had been nothing but kind to him, and Torel had been sweet, gentle and reassuring.

“My family home.” Felix opened his bag, watching the top of the Aegis Shield poke out of the top of his bag. “Fraldarius Manor, but I have to see if I can find someone, first.”

Alester nodded in understanding, smiling at him. “I hope you find the person you are looking for, and that you can find the peace you seek, brother.”

Felix blinked at him, touching Alester’s wrist. “Thank you for letting me travel with you, Alester.”

Alester smiled at him, nodding. “Thank you for listening and joining us, Felix Fraldarius.”

Felix closed up the top of his bag, cracking his jaw in a yawn. He bid his friends goodnight, settling down to sleep with the noise of camp settling around him.

*****

With Byleth back on their side, the war began to speed up. The Empire took ground that they had only considered before, moving in ways that they hadn’t been certain and would not have won, if it weren’t for the moral of seeing the professor.

Every move felt calculated.

They were moving, moving in a way that they hadn’t in a while. And, with every step that they moved, it found them moving closer and closer to the Alliance.

With each step they moved, Felix found himself growing more and more anxious. The thought of seeing Sylvain, after so long, filling him with a sort of dread he tried to push away, the dread that would leave him without any will to fight.

The fight itself was relatively easy, Felix accompanying Bernadetta down to the ships to take out whatever fliers they could, while the main group moved through the city.

Felix prayed that Sylvian wouldn’t be there. He and Bernadetta had cleared the first ship when a shout went up, Claude rising up on his Wyvern. His voice echoed a fallback, Felix and Bernadetta running for shore as the boats began to move.

Felix watched the Alliance troops retreat, seeing the last glimmer of red from Sylvain before they vanished completely from view.

***

Arianrhod was another beast that Felix had difficulty swallowing. He had been in the front line and he had nearly froze when he saw Rodrigue.

The man had a frown in his face, silver hair darting through his normally so dark coloring. Felix swallowed and moved closer, warning off Bernadetta as she glanced at him, a question without needing an answer.

“Rodrigue.”

The man turned, his eyes softening when he saw Felix. “I knew you would return, his highness-”

“I’m here to fight with you, old man.”

Rodrigue sighed, his shoulders sagging. “I shouldn’t be upset. It was my dumb mistakes that have caused you to be so angry with me. I wanted you to have a good life, one in comfort. Where did I go wrong?”

Felix shifted, adjusting his grip on the Aegis shield, his sword steady as he held it out. “Let’s start with the tea-”

“You were never soulmates with Dimitri.”

Felix felt his world crash to a halt as his father spoke the words. Distantly, in the crook of his arm, Felix could feel the swell of emotions he had trained to block out.

“But-”

“I made a deal to make Dimitri your soulmate. I thought it would protect you.”

Felix recoiled before he lunged, plunging his blade into Rodrigue’s chest. He pulled it out, feeling a hand on his shoulder as Ingrid found him, pulling him into a hug.

Felix gave himself a handful of seconds to gather himself, nodding at her and turning to focus on the battle. The memories of the dance came to him and he moved, aiding where he could and fighting where he needed.

With Cornelia dead upon Byleth’s sword, they turned their attention to the Tailtean plans, Felix feeling the pain in his arm at the thought of approaching Dimitri.

***

Felix looked up as he stared at the sky, feeling a shiver run through him. Even the rain couldn’t wash away the sense of guilt that still ate at him. No matter how often he heard the words that it wasn’t his fault, that his father was part of the enemy, he was going to die.

Seeing Dimitri now, standing so far away, knowing that he was alone, save Dedue standing between them and him.

Felix wondered what it would have been like if he had stayed beside Dimitri, submitted to his fate as his father wanted thim.

Even as he stepped through the mud, the rain beating down on him, he was certain of his path.

Both he and Dimitri had laid their friends in the graves of their past mistakes, Felix was certain of that. He had seen those that had died fighting for Dimitri, for all the lies that the church had tried to feed them.

Felix had put at least one of those people in their graves, even as they drew closer and Rhea, or whatever she was calling herself, showed up on and then retreated.

Dedue’s transformation in a flash caught Feli’s eye and he almost wanted to wretch right there as the Demonic Beast lumbered across the field.

“Dedue, you fool.”

Felix looked towards Dimitri when his voice spoke, who watched the man look after the demonic beast that had been his friend.

“I will not let your sacrifice be in vain.”

Felix scoffed as he heard those words, tightening his grip on his sword. The well of emotions pinged between them and Dimitri frowned, turning to look at Felix. He blinked his eyes, tilting his head before he shook it. He took one step towards Felix, his hand outstretched even as the rain came down and he looked upwards.

“Your father told me the truth of the matter, Felix, before you drove your sword through him. Tell me, would it have really been a pain for you to remain by my side?”

“Yes.”

A single admission, something that Felix never wanted to admit. The reason he had always been unsettled. He could never return to Dimitri, not now that he knew the reason.

“It’s too bad that you will have to die here, Felix. We could have seen the war through.”

Felix lifted his mouth into a smile. “For a dead man, you sure talk a lot.”

He heard the twang of a bowstring, saw the color of Bernadetta’s arrows fly past him and he surged forward, sword sinking into flesh.

Even with Dimitri’s blood spilling in the sands, the demonic beast was still rampaging. Felix turned, looking upon the creature and let out a sigh. One last piece of business to clean up before he could be free.

***

“What will you do now?”

Felix fiddled with the strap of his bag, glancing towards Edelgard. She was standing in his doorway, arms crossed over her chest.

“You could stay, help guide the war efforts. Bernadetta will be crushed to hear that you’re leaving and you haven’t even gotten a chance to say goodbye to Dorothea yet. She won’t be back until next week.”

Felix wrinkled his nose as Edelgard spoke, glancing away. “I know you could give me a job, but I need to find something out for myself.”

Edelgard raised an eyebrow, glancing at the pack. “And it involves taking the Aegis shield with you?”

Felix grimaced. “Are you opposed to me taking it, then?”

“No, I just…”

Felix nodded, glancing away. “I want to see if I can be. Enough.”

Small truths, the small truths that he had given to himself, he would hand to Edelgard, here and now.

“Of course…”

Felix shifted, standing and shouldering his pack. “If I need anything, I’ll be sure to return. Thank you, Edelgard, for the offer.”

Edelgard’s gaze softened. “You have given us a great service, during the war. You are always welcome here in Fodlan.”

Felix nodded, turning to look at Edelgard. “Don’t forget to rest, either. The country won’t know what to do if you overwork yourself.”

Edelgard laughed at him, looking away and letting out a sigh. “Of course, goodbye, Felix.”

Felix nodded, giving Enbarr one last look as he knew he would never return.


	6. New Endings

"-llo?"

Felix stared at the silks that shifted above him, his head pounding. There are meant to be voices, people around them as they go about their day, setting up the convoy to move out.

They would be at the capital and-

"Felix?"

Felix opened his eyes once more, turning his head to the sound of his name. His head throbbed as it had the night before, the sound of drums ringing in in his ears. Memories circled him, chasing him through old hurts, things he had done.

"Hey, Felix, focus on me."

Felix blinked again, the stream of colors vanishing and he was staring into a pair of green eyes, his body aching as he tried to move. A hand was pressed to his shoulder, the man letting out his breath.

"Hey, don't move. You're going to be okay."

Felix stared, blinking at him. When he looked to the side, the eye of a demonic beast flickered open. He let out a cough, armoured feet stomping between him and the creature.

"Syl-"

"Yeah, yeah, we have a stretcher?" There were too hot hands moving fabric aside, checking for blood. Felix needed to push away, the warmth too much for his body to handle.

"Hey, Fe, it's going to be okay."

The name rocked him, his eyes shutting at the softness in the voice. When he opened them again, red hair obscured his view, but he was moving, wind pressing against what little he could feel.

The sun beat down, even with the other person pressed against his back, offering him the most shade.

From there, he drifted in and out, listening to the beating drum as voices and visions danced in and out of sight. The darkness settled around him as the memories stilled, rest spreading through him and he felt relaxed.

After the darkness, he could see the light, his gaze tracking the gold lines that were traced above him, following one line when they branched off before he found himself lost in the patterns, a little laugh escaping him.

That brought the attention of the red haired man he had thought he had seen, the brief glimpse confusing him at first. The man leaned over him, gently pressing a hand to his forehead.

"The fever's broken."

Another person moved into Felix's view and he blinked, watching the green, green eyes move over him before Claude nodded.

He thought of Alester's voice, soft against his ear the night prior, in a dream he couldn't quite grasp. He watched as Sylvain -was it Sylvain?- reached out again, smoothing his hair down.

"He won't die of heatstroke, at the least." The green eyed man took a step back, letting out a grunt. "That's the hardest hurdle to overcome. Now, we have to make sure he stays hydrated."

"Where...?" Felix tried to force the question out, his mouth drier than he could ever recall. He tried to lift a hand, the Sylvain looking man shaking his head.

"You're in the capital of Almyra. You were found collapsed outside of a Demonic beast's lair about four days ago. What remained of the convoy that the beast destroyed reached us five days ago. You've been under our care since, due to severe heat stroke."

Felix swallowed, tried to, and was glad when the man offered to help him sit, holding a glass up to his lips. He took the liquid slowly, letting out a huff when the glass was pulled away.

"You have to be careful. You'll choke if you drink too much, too fast. Felix, how... did you end up in the deserts of Almyra?"

Felix grunted, his eyes closing as he leaned against the chest of Sylvain, breathing in his scent.

***

Felix tucked his legs under him as he held a cup of tea between his hands. He hadn't looked up through the entirety of dinner, even as he answered the odd question Sylvain and Claude had asked.

Through what little Felix managed to piece together, he had been assisting the convoy in the dealings with the demonic beast. They had managed to kill one, in time for a second beast to entrap them. Most of the convoy made it out of the desert safely, and had sent wyvern riders out to see if anyone still lived. They had found Felix nearly dead and had been nursing him back to health since.

"Felix?"

He finally looked up, meeting Sylvain's gaze and he shifted, uncrossing his legs under the table. "Thank you for the hospitality and your help."

The words felt stiff as he said them, his back straight.

Claude looked at Sylvain, glancing back at Felix.

"There's no need to thank us for helping you," Claude murmured, his gaze darting to Sylvain again. "I thought we were friends at school. That doesn't have to change."

Felix shifted, glancing at Sylvain before he looked back at his cup. "Yes, I suppose... we were, despite fighting on opposite sides of the war."

Claude shifted, watching him. "What brings you to the humble country of Almyra?" Claude asked, tilting his head as Felix shifted his grip on his cup.

"I felt like a change of scenery. I suppose... I overestimated the scenery I was going into." Felix shifted his grip again, letting the smallest spark of truth go.

"I'm glad that we found you when we did. You would have died otherwise. And then no one would have known what happened to you." Claude picked up a piece of fruit, tossing it from hand to hand before he tossed it at Felix, who reached out and caught it. He looked at the fruit, glancing up at Claude with a frown.

"Felix, you are also welcome to stay here." Sylvain leaned forward, his gaze earnest. "Honestly, I worried about what happened when you disappeared..."

Felix glanced at Sylvain, moving to stand. With a nod at Claude, Felix retreated from the dining table, heading outside. He sat at the fountain in the square, listening to the water and watching the stars. The last few weeks here hadn't been bad, as Felix regained his strength.

He thanked the convoy members that had survived for sending someone after him. The few remainimg members couldn't place the names Felix asked after, giving him only blank stares whenhe mentioned Torel or Alester. He had enjoyed the city and, when he rubbed the mark that once held the Blaiddyd symbol, he felt a spark of warmth flow through him.

Sylvain stepped next to Felix, his hands tucked behind his back.

"Did you know," Felix murmured, watching the stars, "that, when a child is born with a soulmate mark, there is a ritual another person can perform? It’s a spell that will force that soulmate mark to transfer to someone that is also born with a mark, a complicated piece of magic. Very few people ever prove to be good with it."

"Uh, no?" Sylvain asked, moving his hands to cross over his chest. "Is what what you wanted to talk to me about?"

Felix picked the words with care, glancing to the side to study Sylvain. "During the fight at Arianrhod, when I cornered my father, he told me the things he had done to me to be the... perfect bride for... Dimitri. He was so angry that I had turned my back on them. Then, I killed him."

Sylvain blinked at him, his eyes going wide. "That's..."

"He forced a new soulmate mark on me when I was born. It took him two weeks to perform the spell. Then, when the mark matched up, he told Lambert I was born, when the mark on Dimitri's shoulder became visible."

"You don't have to tell me any of this," Sylvain said quietly.

Felix shook his head. "He fucked with my hormones, too. And I am turning this into a pity party on my end, I don't mean to do that. My original soulmate was you."

Sylvain met his gaze, frowning. "But..."

Felix shrugged. "I don't... understand how Rodrigue managed it. But, that's what he did. And it cost him everything. I am glad you survived the war, Sylvain."

Sylvain reached out, moving to grab his hand. "You sound as if you're leaving?"

Felix saw the hesitation in Sylvian's statement, listening to it drop into a question. He nodded, looking away from Sylvain.

"I've overstayed my welcome." Felix glanced towards the building he had walked out of, feeling the eyes of the other Almyrans on him.

You haven't," Sylvain murmured.

Felix glanced at him, swallowing in his too parched mouth. The desire to stay weighed with his desire to run, his eyes skirting towards the home, that he had been invited into.

"No, Sylvain, I can't stay here."

Sylvain dropped his hand, glancing over his shoulder. "I am happy, here, Felix. I'm sorry about-"

"Don't, please don't tell me you're sorry about what happened to me. I held a lot of it against... undeserving people. And.. I realized I didn't want to hold what people did to me against... you and Dimitri, not anymore."

Sylvain stared, dropping his hand to his side. "I never wanted to hurt you, Felix."

"You knew who I was before you found Claude, didn't you?"

Sylvain opened his mouth, closing it. "I could feel your emotions. You were always... in so much pain and when you were in heat, it felt... like I had to burn my arm off. After I met Claude, it was so muted, I hardly felt you. I couldn't tell you, not after..."

Felix nodded. "We fucked each other during the war and we never even bothered to apologize."

Sylvain let out a huff of a laughter, his eyes soft. "You are welcome to stay, Felix. Claude doesn't hold anything against you and neither do I. I've enjoyed having you around for the last couple of weeks."

Felix hesitated, inclining his head towards Sylvain. He kept his gaze fixed on the stares, his eyes distant. "Maybe I'll stick around a while yet, then."

"I would like that."

Felix nodded, feeling the arm of an old friend rest on his shoulders, the tension leaking from his body.

**Author's Note:**

> Original idea: "Wouldn't it be fucked if there were herbs to force presentation onto children? And Wouldn't it be even MORE Fucked of Rodrigue to do that to his kid?" 
> 
> Execution: "purgatory hell spirits giving Felix therapy"


End file.
